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Thread: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Az
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    Default When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    Fil is coming out to visit, yes live in Az. weather is great this time of year. OK they use to come out for 3-4 weeks in Feb. they live in the east coast and they are getting their share of snow so MIL died and Fil is upset he is 85yrs and wants to get away, I understand. DH has a business meeting end of Feb so he said Dad you can only come out for 2 weeks so no problem, FIL really wants to do the ususal 3 weeks but has to scale it down. I got some things planned, feel so bad he eats frozen foods since MIL death she was the cook & caretaker and he has no clue. But I always remember he said I will live here 6 months and his DD the other 6 months, I think he is scoping it out. No one will live with us, I can find apts etc.. but family living in the same house is not good. I grew up with Grandma's house and she ruled. Her way or no way. Family living with family isn;t good. I don't care how sad being alone and he will play that card and DH will cave in. No way in my house, we will find an apt/.It hasn't gotten to that point but I tell Dh you have to stand up. I love family but not in my house for months at a time.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    I don't think I would last past 2 weeks. When my dad died, my mom wanted to live with me and I said no because I didn't want her to become so dependent on me that she was unable to function for herself. She lived in our rent house for one year but I was not enough mental stimulation for her. That, and she wouldn't do what she was told to do concerning her health. She ended up hurting her back and needed surgery, so she now lives in an assited living facility where she has people her age to talk to, and play games with. There's an in-house nurse to take care of her medicines b-12 shots, and blood pressure problems.
    I truly think I would have already lost my mind if I had to do it every day. I love my mom and I loved her enough to make her live her own life while she still is able to do for herself.

  3. #3
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    Malden, Missouri, United States
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    I'm always ready for them to go home after a couple of days but there have been hard times with my family and my family has had to stay with my parents and they have even had to stay with us. We did what we had to do. If I had had the financial means, though, there would never be any way on Earth that I would let one of my parents live with me for 6 months out of the year. I barely get along with my mother now and that surely would not improve in a communal living situation.
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  4. #4
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    I know this, my parents are deceased now and they lived in assist living homes too. just FIL is playing the card. He will have a wonderful Az trip, which will pay for. He will love the attention and will think live with us, so much fun, well, life goes on DH works & DD going to college with her work, living in /az, isn't fun we have full lives why do they think you live in Az, we play all day no we have work & things like anywhere else no time for tourist crap we live real lives. Yes, people think you live in nice climates we just enjoy, no we got lives to get to work & due the job, it's not play time Yes, we live in Az. and all come out in the winter and stay for 3 weeks so you want to get out of the cold. Funny never thought about the cold weather until your children moved away then want to get out of it, we lived the snow all threw 20yrs and now you want out and live with us for 3 weeks, also no money either thought soc. sec is the way to go no saving a cent and expect your kids to pay your way. I am so thankful my parents knew to save. I feel knowing FIL is taking advantage of us and know it we will pay his way I will sit back and see this unfold, express my thoughts but DH is upset his Mom died and he feels for his Dad. Ok let's see.

  5. #5
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    The Ozarks in Arkansas!
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    My dad was alone for almost 20 years after my mom died. He used to tell me adamantly that he would NEVER live w/ his children... NEVER be that burdensome parent. Well... as he got older and his options became fewer and fewer... I know he was looking to me to invite him to live w/ me and my 3 daughters. There was no way I could DO it!! At the time, the 3 kids were in school, I was working and going to school full time... and my dad was a nightmare! He was an alcoholic and insisted on cooking... his super-duper inexpensive subsidized apartment had been filled w/ smoke a few times cause he'd put something on the stove/in the oven and forget about it. That apartment should have been great... there were lots of people his age and w/ similar interests around! His drinking and ultimately refusing to take care of himself (bathing, etc) caused him to be kicked out (!!!!) and the only option was a nursing home. It was so hard for me to put him in a home... when the alcohol component was taken out and nursing care put in... he got a lot better. His chronic eczema cleared up and he gained some weight and was healthier. But taking him out for a day a few times made me understand that his alcoholism was always there and there was simply no way he could live w/ us!

    Roset... is there any kind of senior housing or assisted living near you? Living NEAR you would be way better than WITH you... even if it's only half the year!
    Last edited by luvs2eat; 01-28-2011 at 06:25 AM.
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  6. #6
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    I would last about 3 hours! My hubbie told me the other day I am going to end up a lonly old lady with a bunch of cats and my kids wont ever come visit me. I looked at him and said "Can I start this now?"

  7. #7
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    Visit, a long weekend, living with me for good, NEVER. My parents are gone, SO's parents are gone, all of our children are adults and self supporting, so it's not really anything I have to worry about.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    very funny Muzette, you will always have us too- never be truly alone...you can just flick us all off and take a bubble bath when you feel like it My MIL comes to visit every stinkin two weeks. I love her but she has out stayed her welcome after 12 years and has started getting very opionated and gossipy with her friends and family concerning our private affairs so now we are involving her less and scheduling thinsg outside our home so we will be available less.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    I guess it depends on who it is. I love my daughter dearly, but OMG, when she comes to visit it's like a force of nature! Luggage all over the house, just general chaos. I must say though, the last time she was down they pretty much contained their piles to one room. Even my granddaughter was surprised when I told her about it. She experiences the same thing when DD comes to visit her and her husband.

    Most of the time, a week is more than enough, and for some, two or three days is plenty.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Default Re: When is family visit too long to stay at your house?

    For some relatives five minutes is too much. My fil keeps talking about moving in with us their marriage is not the greatest anymore and they have severe financial problems so he thinks that since he is retired we should support him and then he can buy a nice boat. It's not going to happen while I have breath in me. He is of the five minute variety but I let him visit as often as I can stand it out of love for my husband.

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