Family That Forgets To Say Thank You

[fatkat]

This is the year we are no longer giving gifts to our family. Hubby has always given to his nieces and nephews and yet we have never received a thank you from the kids or the parents. On Memorial Day, we brought a card with $$ to his niece and I told her 3 times to not lay the card down and to give to her mother. I told her mother later that I gave her daughter the card with $$ did she give it to her.........she said no

Later back in the house where niece was, the card was 1/2 under the microwave with the $$ still in it. BTW, she is 12 - should have listened to me. Never said thank you to me or hubby and neither did his sister. His brother is the same way. Neither of these 2 give to his children.

MIL is the worst. She kept telling my stepson that his BDay card is in the mail - his BDay was in March and still no card. She never sent it. Stepdaughter turned 18 on Saturday - no card from her gramma either. I doubt she will give her anything for graduation although my parents do give to everything.

Same with my nieces. They live in Maryland and I send them $$ for their BDays but have yet to hear a simple Thank You.

So this is the year we are not participating in any event that requires gift giving. Kinda sad

Anyone else have family like this?

[SuzieQ]

My in-laws, or should I say out-laws, are like this. It seems that out of sight, out of mind is that way they operate. I can count on one hand how many birthday cards my children, and I have 3, have gotten from MIL and FIL. That is really sad. All of their grandkids that live near and the ones in Texas get cards and gifts, but not mine. When we did give birthday gifts to the kids in DHs family, we never got a thank-you except from his nephew who is grown now and only one of his sisters buys for our kids. We quit wasting our money even if they are family. Gratitude goes a long way. And you know what, my kids are just as important as their kids. If they can't buy for my kids, I can return the favor. I know that makes me look bad, but oh well.

[SuzieQ]

I forgot to add that for my youngest child's birthday this past March, MIL told us not to buy this certain toy that she knew my daughter wanted because she was going to buy it. Well, a couple of weeks ago, we gave up waiting for the Doodle Bear and bought DD one ourselves. I don't know why they say stuff like that knowing that it will break a child's heart when they don't get that prized gift.

[alidoremi]

Well, my experience has been that rude, thoughtless kids tend to have rude, thoughtless parents. IMO it's completely the parents' fault for not teaching their kids proper etiquette.

Same thing with table manners, phone etiquette, etc...

[Shakrah]

my blended familia is full of ungrateful children and adults. someday they will be sorry. Like in my will.

Kat I know how hurtful this can be and I applaud you for doing somthing about it. THIS they will notice.

[luvs2eat]

Ya took the words right out of my mouth alidoremi... it's the parents who haven't taught their kids to sit their butts down and write those notes. I had 3 bat mitzvah daughters... and they sat at the kitchen table and wrote dozens and dozens of notes... when it got close to the end, I did have to stand over them a little... haha.

Heck... my middle daughter sent ME a thank you note not long ago after a fun weekend we had together!

There is NO excuse for poor table manners and not knowing to say please and thank you and not writing thank yous for a gift.

[Joanne]

I have 3 stepchildren. Two ( oldest and youngest ) are delightful young men with families and one ( middle ) is ---well --- I really don't want to go into that.
Too many things have happened and the rift only seems to deepen. Let's just say he and his wife do NOT lead a very desirable lifestyle. They have no association with anyone in the family, which includes his 2 brothers and his
Dad. That hurts me terribly. Hubby even said " if something happens to me, don't bother to call them".

It doesn't matter if I send gifts, Christmas, BD's, Weddings, Baby etc. No response. WE just stopped doing it all together 3 years ago. Don't like it but tired of it. They won't even send an E-mail BD card or Father's Day card. If hubby calls there, "son is always too busy to talk, or he isn't feeling well and can't come to the phone". Screw it! Don't need it!!

Other two are a pleasure. They are always grateful for cards, gifts, phone calls, emails etc. I ask nothing for myself, only for their Dad. However, they have often told their Dad that are so happy that I am in their life as well as him. How toughtful!! Makes my heart warm.

[fatkat]

Geeze, you all have familes like ours - LOL. It is horrible because the kids know. I think they would be surprised if they got anything from their dad's side of the family. El Cheapos

[luv2bake]

I've always made my kids write thank you notes....dd just got through with the last of almost 200 for wedding gifts. My ds and dil have their girls, 8 & 6, write personal thank you's for any kind of gift.

If someone can go to the expense and time to purchase a gift or give money, the very least someone can do is acknowledge it!!

I would stop the giving, too.

[gimmerecipes]

When this started happening with the kids of my close friends, I started including a note in cards about giving a donation in so and so's name to charity. I had one friend actually get upset with me that I wouldn't give her daughter money anymore and I just said, oh well after ten years of never hearing an acknowledgement or a thank you I decided to put my money to better use and give it to those who really appreciate it. She told me I was officially off their list and I laughed at her and told her I should've done that ten years ago to get off their list sooner. Needless to say, our friendship's over also.

I should say this to clarify this being a non-family issue on my part...., there are no neices and nephews in my immediate family, so my friend's children have always been like neices and nephews to me.

[luv2bake]

Some people have some nerve, don't they? Sheesh!

[Don't Ask]

I think the lack of thank you cards refelcts how impersonal communication has become and how little time our society spends on doing things that they should be doing for family. I think it reflects the disfunction of a society without a healthy allignment of priorities.


As for what has been written about not giving gift money to people, but deciding to give it to charaties in their place in the name of people the gift money would have been issed to, I have an aunt that does this and there are a couple things that irritate me about the way she does this. One is I never get to find out what charity this money is being donated to and a second thing is that if it is GIFT money that she thinks is going to better use in charities, I think it is only fair to ask me what charity I would like the money to be donated to. It bothers me to think that this gift money in my name might be going to an organization that for some reason I do not support. I do that think that would be fair to me for that to happen.

[Bean]

I've always made my kids write thank you notes....dd just got through with the last of almost 200 for wedding gifts. My ds and dil have their girls, 8 & 6, write personal thank you's for any kind of gift.

If someone can go to the expense and time to purchase a gift or give money, the very least someone can do is acknowledge it!!

I would stop the giving, too.

Same way here. DD is 21 and STILL sends them out - without me reminding her.


I think it is very rude and have had that happen more than once. We decided this year just to send Christmas cards, no presents because after all we did last year I can't tell you how many never said thank you...

[brenda]

Same here

My MIL,sil,bil are really bad and sis and brother in law are grown people.
Not so much as a thank you or kiss my you know what.
One lives in Covington Ga and Mil in Macon Ga and BIL lives in Lizella Ga,we live in Jacksonville Fl they are always saying come up to watch the kids or for someones birthday or christmas and don't forget to buy something,they never in 30 years visited us we have invited them they won't come they always want us to travel ,my mil doesn't want money she wants diamond rings from Marks and Morgan or Kays Jewerly and I am not talking about cheap rings 1000 and up and she expects all her children to pitch in and buy these rings every year if its not rings its pearls.
My sil thinks it is nothing for us to drive 7 hours to her house just to watch her kids for a week or two and the first time we told her no she got upset .
So yes we do have family members who take advantage and never a thank you.

[scotty]

I agree with alidoiemi, it is the parents fault if the children lack manners. I also agree with your decision fatkat to stop giving gifts and money. When something is no longer given from the heart, and is unappreciated or expected, then, it is time to stop the cycle.