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Give a wedding card/present or not???

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  • Give a wedding card/present or not???

    Do you give a wedding card/present to people who you don't think should be married? What if one of the people is your sister?

    I have a younger sister who lives 1000 miles away from me thatI maybe talk to once a year. She is getting married to a man who my dh and I believe is a bad idea. I do NOT want to go into why we believe this, but she knows how we feel about him. My dh has actually sat her down the last time we saw her and told her his fears about the man, but she has laughed it off. This will be her second marriage and she is 27. She has been with him for quite a while now, but that doesn't mean anything with our doubts about him.
    This isn't a thread about what we think about the situation.
    I was just wondering if I should send something. She had sent an invitation, but I had already declined the invite. Dh says that I better not send any thing..he feels that strongly about his belief. I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly with dh on this one. He has an uncanny ability to really see people on who they really are.
    I guess I shouldn't worry about it..I rarely talk and even more rarely see them. I suppose I should just ignore the whole fiasco, but she is my sister and I care for her. Tough love..I suppose...

  • #2
    I think I would send a card wishing her happiness because you do wish her happiness. You also wish she wouldn't marry the guy. However I wouldn't send my blessing.

    I had a friend engaged to a guy whom I didn't think was a choice either. I sat her down and told her my reasons because I actually feared for her safety. I also told her I would not attend the wedding and she knew the reasons why. Others had told her they disapproved of the engagement but had not told her the reasons why.

    Happily she did not marry him

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    • #3
      I wouldn't send a gift, but think I would send a card, wishing her well, and just leave it at that.

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      • #4
        Just send a card and sign your names. Generic card without too many gushy emotions.

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        • #5
          I agree with the card too... Then she'll know that you love her, regardless of her decisions.

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          • #6
            I vote the card too, you can even get a blank card and write only what you want like wishing her happiness and send your love type lines.

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            • #7
              Sorry, But I Vote For Going To The Wedding--if You Are Able. I Know When Dh And I Just Got Married It Bothered Him That None Of His Family Made An Attempt To Come To The Wedding. Although Ours Was In Mexico, I Would Still Have Thought That Atleast His Sister Would Have Made It. You Might Not Like Who She Is Marrying, But She Is Your Sister.
              SHEL

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              • #8
                Or send her a self help book, lik "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" Maybe she'll get the hint?

                lol

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                • #9
                  It would be nice if you could attend the Wedding. After all, she IS your sister, and regardless of whether you agree with her choice of Husband, it would be nice if you could be there for HER..

                  BUT - if you can not be there..... I would send a nice card just wishing her the best..and reminding her that you love her regardless..
                  Lauren ~The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. ~
                  Martin Luther King, Jr.

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                  • #10
                    I wholeheartedly disagree with going to the wedding. Your presence would only say that you approve and agree with this marriage.

                    Send her a good luck card and be done with it.

                    just my opinion!

                    wendy/dragun

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                    • #11
                      If you aren't that close & she lives so far away & 2nd marriage, I don't think you need to attend the wedding either. The card is a good way of saying you are thinking of her. You could even call her the nite before & tell her you love her & hope for her happiness.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by SHEL
                        Sorry, But I Vote For Going To The Wedding--if You Are Able. I Know When Dh And I Just Got Married It Bothered Him That None Of His Family Made An Attempt To Come To The Wedding. Although Ours Was In Mexico, I Would Still Have Thought That Atleast His Sister Would Have Made It. You Might Not Like Who She Is Marrying, But She Is Your Sister.
                        I agree - I can't even imagine not attending the wedding of my sibling - that's awful. And if I could not be there in person, then I would send a nice gift. Your sister is an ADULT - she doesn't need anyone's permission to marry any jerk of her choice. Let her live her life as she sees fit and you do what a sibling is supposed to do be there for HER as support.

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                        • #13
                          Put yourself in her place. What would you want? Would it affect your future relationship with a sister that didn't come to your wedding?

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                          • #14
                            I was in the same perdiciament, DS was marrying a girl I didn't like, had cheated on him, got pregnant by another man...need I say more. But....I did what I could, got them a nice wedding present, to support my son. He knows we don't care for the girl, but we love our son and we don't want to loose him. They've given us a great grandson, who is definately my son's, we are civil to her, just so we can keep the boys in our lives.

                            Good luck, it will get easier with time.

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                            • #15
                              Thanks for all your opinions and comments. I'm not her only sister..we have 4 other sisters and a brother who all live near her. (I'm the only one out of the state). They'll all be there..along with the rest of the family. Even though most of them feel the same way I do.
                              I think I may just send the generic type card.


                              Like I said, I don't want to go into my dislike of the man. He is a creep and he just gives me an awful feeling. I guess my woman intution is kicking in about him..the queer feeling in the old gut.
                              Now that is NOT the reason I don't like him..its just one of the things I feel when I'm near him. Know what I mean??

                              Thanks again for your input!

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