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thursday funny
Important Zen teachings
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> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
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> me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is
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> narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
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> 2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
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> 3. No one is listening until you fart.
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> 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
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> 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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> 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
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> missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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> 7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
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> shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
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> have their shoes.
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> 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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> 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
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> fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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> 10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
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> probably well worth it.
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> 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
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> 12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.
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> 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
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> 14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes
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> from bad judgment.
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> 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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> 16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
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> 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
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> 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
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> 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ...
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> then things just get worse.
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> 20. Never, under any circumstances,
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> take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
>
> me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is
>
> narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
>
>
>
>
>
> 2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 3. No one is listening until you fart.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
>
> missing a couple of mortgage payments.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
>
> shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
>
> have their shoes.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
>
> fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
>
> probably well worth it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes
>
> from bad judgment.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
> moving.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
> it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ...
>
> then things just get worse.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 20. Never, under any circumstances,
>
> take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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