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I have a stalker

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  • I have a stalker

    A STRANGE OLD LADY

    Even though this lady is currently residing in my house, she may at some time appear in yours. Be alert! A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was!

    She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. Whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude!

    I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

    I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100 and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

    And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate, especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

    For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I myself am so extremely neat and organized.

    She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
    She has done other things too like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

    She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.
    Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!




    I hope she never finds out where YOU live!

  • #2
    Re: I have a stalker

    I think she already has found me.....LOL

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    • #3
      Re: I have a stalker

      OMG!!!!!! this woman she is super clever and oh sooo crafty she is stalking me too ...LOL too cute Rube

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      • #4
        Re: I have a stalker

        This woman sure gets around. I think I just saw her in my bathroom and few minutes ago. lol
        Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

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        • #5
          Re: I have a stalker

          I think she may have clones everywhere.

          Did you see what she did? She duplicated my post. I can't hide anything from her.

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          • #6
            Re: I have a stalker

            OMG!!!! I thought it was just me!!!!

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            • #7
              Re: I have a stalker

              Originally posted by Rubelishous View Post
              Did you see what she did? She duplicated my post. I can't hide anything from her.
              I did notice that.
              Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

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              • #8
                Re: I have a stalker

                So, then it is NOT just my imagination!!! I have seen that sneaky old broad hanging around here too! Do you know what she did to me?? She swiped my Dillards card and charged it up!! Buying all sorts of things that she just KNEW I couldn't afford!! Man, she sure gets around for a chubby old lady!
                Lauren ~The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. ~
                Martin Luther King, Jr.

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                • #9
                  Re: I have a stalker

                  Originally posted by LaurenB View Post
                  So, then it is NOT just my imagination!!!
                  No Lauren in YOUR case it is your imagination. /duck Missed me. HEHEHE
                  She has been messing around here too. She gets on and rides piggy back when I go up the stairs making it so much harder to get up there.

                  Huffle
                  God grant me the serenity to accept the yarn I cannot return... courage to change the yarn I can... and the reciept to know the difference.

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                  • #10
                    Re: I have a stalker

                    Hee hee heeeee.....
                    Lauren ~The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. ~
                    Martin Luther King, Jr.

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                    • #11
                      Re: I have a stalker

                      At night she sneaks in and glues old lady hairs on my chin - unbelieveble nerve.

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                      • #12
                        Re: I have a stalker

                        Originally posted by Rubelishous View Post
                        At night she sneaks in and glues old lady hairs on my chin - unbelieveble nerve.
                        OMG!! we have the same stalker. She glues those hairs on my chin also. She's making them lighter and lighter so I can't see them to pluck them, have to go by feel.

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                        • #13
                          Re: I have a stalker

                          Often I only notice them when I'm out in public and there they are. about a foot long (it feels), waving at people

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                          • #14
                            Re: I have a stalker

                            LOL Rube! I'm glad I'm not the only one! I can pluck and pluck and swear theyre all gone...but when I check my look in the car mirror, I find more and more that I missed. I keep telling myself that I should just sit in the car in the driveway and pluck from now on!

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                            • #15
                              Re: I have a stalker

                              Oh Yeah! That's Where They Pop Up!!! Then I Can't Keep My Hands Off Of Them, Try To Pull Them, And They Never Come Out By Hand, But Forget About It By The Time I Get Home. I Have A Magnifying/lighted Hand Held Mirror Beside The Toilet With Tweezers, To Give Me "something To Do" While Sitting There. Certain Times Of The Day The Sun Shines Thru The Window And I Find Millions Of Hairs That Were Not There The Day Before!!!

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