I must be an ogre-

[Machele]

I got a note from a SIL that my MIL will have a hard time buying food this winter. She is expecting her winter fuel bill with be $5K!!! for her small old farmhouse, which will leave her only $200 a month to buy groceries.

The first thing I said was, "her grocery money will go a lot farther if she wasn't buying cigarettes for her deadbeat son (who lives with her for free). The "kids' tried to convince her to move into an apartment and she doesn't want to. She barely drives, and she is so fat she can't walk to the mailbox. I swear, if DH sends her a check....... grrrrrrr. Maybe I will have to drop off a bag of groceries! Am I being an Ogre? I think one old woman should be able to eat fine on $200 a month, as for her deadbeat son... he can starve or get a job!

[roset]

Re: I must be an ogre-

This is bad times and we all got to cut down, DD is going off to college next month, not cheap, she got a little part time job. She wanted me to extend her $20 tonight for the movies for her & b/f. They went last night & he paid. He lives 20 miles away, she goes threw a tank of gas every week ($50) he seems never to drive here. DH has been giving her $20 here & there so I said no more. I have been buying little things for this college apt. and it adds up. We told her to go to the movies on Sat./ after the paycheck clears, Oh they want to go tonight. Batman movie. Have to be the first to see it. Well, sometimes things don't go your way. Learn to save money, live within your means and enjoy the simple things of life, seems people don't understand. Seems they don't want to give up their lifestyle well they have to. I have been doing it but why do these people think they can rely on other ones to give them what they want? BIL needs to smoke less, also buy cheaper groceries, don't drive that much etc.... These people think other ones that save will bail them out. No Way!!! Sad to say DD is in that group. Well, learn now while you are young.

[wellsms]

Re: I must be an ogre-

$5,000 seems pretty steep, maybe if she keeps it cooler in the house it won't cost too much more. She probably just heard some news story about how high it is going to be and panicked. Everyone is just going to have to tighten their belts and learn to live on what they have, or take a job. Once you help her out, you will be doing it the rest of her life. Know what you mean about young kids going to the movies. They think they have to see them the first night they are out. DH and I just rent dvd-lots cheaper.

[Ginger]

Re: I must be an ogre-

How about a small bit of 'help' in other ways--like your DH winterizing his mom's doors and windows, checking for drafts, maybe even upgrading her furnace thermostat to a programable--that will definitely cut down on fuel costs and maybe show up the deadbeat at the same time.

And if you do decide to drop off some groceries every once and a while, make sure they are 'healthy, low fat, high fiber' selections.

[luvs2eat]

Re: I must be an ogre-

I'd go w/ the occasional bag of groceries... and I'd tell her (and the other fam members) that you're not gonna subsidize the deadbeat son or his cigarette habit!

[nommie]

Re: I must be an ogre-

I'd go w/ the occasional bag of groceries... and I'd tell her (and the other fam members) that you're not gonna subsidize the deadbeat son or his cigarette habit!

Perfect! BTW, the deadbeat son can get up off his a** and contribute to the household!

[Sabine]

Re: I must be an ogre-

I agree, I would drop off an occaional bag of groceries, minus cigarettes. But I would not give money. And why is the other son not working and self supporting ??

[AllieK]

Re: I must be an ogre-

A bag of essential, healthy foods would be the only way to go...if you decide to help. Oatmeal, potatoes, dried beans, bread, flour, sugar...etc.

Make the deadbeat son get off his a$$, get a job and contribute to the household expenses. As long as everyone gives, he will just sit back do nothing.

Or, pay a little on the electric bill. You can go down to the electric company and have them bring up the bill and you can see for yourself if it is going to be that high.
Don't always believe what they say. My FIL would always try and hit his kids up to pay off bank loans (usually $300) that he just couldn't pay for. My sister and I wouldn't give them money because they had a drinking problem, so we went to pay the loan at the bank. Guess what? There was no loan!!
He had 6 kids and hit everyone of them up for the money for something that wasn't even there.

[Machele]

Re: I must be an ogre-

Deadbeat son- - -you will LOVE this.
He stopped working 10 years ago shortly after his divorce and moved home so he wouldn't have to pay child-support. At first he worked here and there, seasonal employment. But now he hasn't done anything but live in an upstairs bedroom and mooch. He has to be close to 47? All the siblings got together with "mom" last year to discuss his situation. "They" (including mom), decided that they would give him a month to find a place or they would him out. They would give him resources including social services and depression counseling. After everything hit the fan (when they told him), "mom" backed down and decided she couldn't do that to him.

I try to stay out of it, but when they start asking for money....... yeah..... I have better ways to spend my money. Lord knows I certainly don't want her to starve or eat ketchup soup, but when she is supporting him and buying him cigarettes, have I having a very difficult time supplimenting this arrangement.

[TexAnn]

Re: I must be an ogre-

I must be an Ogre if you are an Ogre. They could close the house off and use only the rooms that were needed the most. As for the deadbeat...time to get work. I feel like the others. Help with nutritional foods, or help by directly paying the bill, if you can. God Bless You.

[nommie]

Re: I must be an ogre-

BTW--I think winter will be rough on everyone!

[Sewcute]

Re: I must be an ogre-

How about a small bit of 'help' in other ways--like your DH winterizing his mom's doors and windows, checking for drafts, maybe even upgrading her furnace thermostat to a programable--that will definitely cut down on fuel costs and maybe show up the deadbeat at the same time.

And if you do decide to drop off some groceries every once and a while, make sure they are 'healthy, low fat, high fiber' selections.

GREAT ideas! You took them right out of my head Ginger!!!

[southernjewishprincess]

Re: I must be an ogre-

For less than 5,000 a month they can rent a trailer and live in it for the winter.

[AllieK]

Re: I must be an ogre-

Machele, that throws a different light on it. He is not paying for his own children, but expects his mom...and you to cover his sorry butt.

You should not give MIL a red cent until she throws the bum out. She doesn't have to be heating the upstairs just so lazyboy can sit on his arse. You could offer to help MIL on the condition that lazyboy has to be moved out before you do. This is not going to get better until someone puts their foot down. If MIL doesn't have any food to eat, take her a prepared plate...just enough for one.

[SouthernCookn]

Re: I must be an ogre-

I must be one too. I wouldn't even drop off groceries. There is no reason the son can't get off his butt and do something. No way I'd help feed him when he is able to work.
The way I see it if they don't have to spend the money on the food he'll just have more money for smokes.
I have lived in a very cold climate and still have family there. Even with the extreme temps, big house and long months of winter they don't pay 5000 for heat for the winter.