I dont know if I should laugh or cry

[Needers]

I posted a threat about 6 months ago about getting Guardianship/Conservatorship of my mother. Well, we went to Upper Michigan and got her end of Feb. Her place was covered in FEATHERS. She said the guy down the hall did it. They were even in the tub. So, I take it she didnt bathe for about 2 months. 6 Hours into the trip home, she kept thanking us for the "nice ride". It was dark out by then. We get out at a rest stop, and she looks at me, and says "Oh my!! Your my daughter!!" I said "MOM! who did you think you were riding with for the last 6 hrs! LOL She gave me two Afghans 6 yrs ago, and took them back, then tries giving them away to people. Claims the one I made and DH's gramma made, she made, hid tea bags in her drawer, tried giving my grandson, MY remote controlled Motorcycle and other things Ive had since a kid, ran after the icecream man and then ended up on someone else porch with ice cream in hand, gets up at 3 a.m and wakes me up and Im up til 10 am or 36 straight hrs,( I have to sleep on the couch now cuz herof my back and she has my room) thinks that "a nice girl" is taking care of her and DH is the next door neighbor, thinks my cordless phone is a remote control for her TV ( I made a thread awhile back where she thought the opposite, remote was her cell phone and couldnt dial out) When she first moved here, DH bought 8 pack of Hershy bars and handed them to her and she ate 2 in 10 min and had to take them away from her because she was going on her 3rd, would eat a half gallon of icecream a DAY, she locked us out of our place the other night LOL and this one, we cant figure out. I kept smelling something odd, couldnt track it. I noticed a lot of toilet paper in the bathroom trash. She was throwing her T.P in the trash can instead of the toilet. Not poopy ones. So, I took the trash can out. Then she was throwing it in the dirty laundry basket! Still smelling something. I have this crate under my bathroom sink with makeup and stuff in it. DH found a "pile" of T.P hid behind it! Other day, he found apple cores and peels in the laundry basket OMG! She insists on walking to the store/bank and we have to stop her. She doesnt understand that she lives in Lower Michigan now. I keep giving her $100 of her money and she gives it back to me to buy things for her and I give her back the
"same" $100 so she thinks shes got money. Lack of sleep for me isnt helping at all. My A-Fib has kicked back in from the stress, I havent been out of the house since March, I have no help at all from my two older brothers, my back is thrown out because she wont let me sleep on the one couch becuz shes sitting on it (I bought two couches so I can alternate thru the night). We just bought her a Sterns and Foster bed and she refuses to sleep in it. I threatened to take back my room and she said if I did, she was going to report me Lmaooo. So, thats why I dont know if I should laugh... or cry.

[Joanne]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Have you considered an assisted living facility or something of that order for her? She definitely needs more care that you and your DH should have to deal with.

Dealing with an elderly parent is NOT fun. My sweet Mom died in 2007 and I have been dealing with my 96 yr old father since then. He tries to do for himself but his short term memory is shot. Doesn't remember to take his meds in the morning which he needs for heart etc. Doesn't eat properly. He insists on living in his own house - until he gets there and gets lonely after a week, then calls me saying: I don't feel good, you'd better come and get me. Walks in my door and is perfectly fine. It is loneliness. He has outlived all of his friends and family. Newphew and nieces are working people with families of their own to car for so the responsibility falls on Dh and I.

My situation is a piece of cake to what you have to deal with. Prayers and blessings to you and your DH.

[mommyx2]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

(((((hugs))))))

[chop]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

i think i would be doing both! hugssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!

[beatlebette]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Who is she going to report you to??? I feel for you having to deal with all of this. I, too think she should be in an assisted living place or even a convalescent home. Does she have Alzheimer's? You should not have to deal with these things. It's not good for you. In the mean time, if she is occupying the couches, you should sleep in the bed. It's going unused, right? The bed has got to be better for your back than any couch, anyway. Bless your heart. (((((Needers)))))

[Needers]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Ive contacted two Assisted Living Facilites. They want to start... $2300 a month. Then one place charges $300 if they have to remind her to take her meds, another one $300 to remind her to bathe or change clothes. She has $30,000 that Im liable for and an income of $1700 a month. That would only keep her for about a year. She has No Life Insurance. Her plan was to blow every dime she had before she died and that us kids, would have to pay to bury her. Shes 81 and has no health problems. Oh I forgot to add, we have to hide the bananas and oranges we buy her or else she will eat one of each every half hour. She ate 17 bananas in 2 1/2 days!

[nuisance]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

I've Learned Since I Started In The Medical Profession, Sometimes You Have To Laugh So You Don't Cry!!

Are There "adult Daycares" In Your Area. She Can Spend A Day Or Two A Week, Or More There, Constant Supervision, Giving You Time To You, And To Do The Things You Need To Do.

It's A Hard Decision, But You Have To Remember Your Health Is Important Also. Assisted Living And/or Nursing Homes Are Much Better Than They Use To. It May Be Time To Start Looking. Some Nursing Homes Have Wings Designed For People With Alzheimers/memory Problems, They Do Alot Of Work With Them, And You Can Still Take Them Home/outings, Spend Time With Them As Much As You Want.

[Needers]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Beatle, I dont sleep in her bed, because she refuses to bathe. Plus, she then would insist on sleeping in there if I were in there. She was going to report me to Management here LOL She thinks this is her place and that we are intruding on "her" space. She has Dementia

[beatlebette]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

She ate 17 bananas in 2 1/2 days!

OMG! She must have been quite constipated after that!

[AngID]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Can't you have someone come in for a few hours a day to help? There's a place here called Angel Aids that helps care for the ill/elderly in their homes.

[nommie]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

I would do both!!! You have to have some relief--I am sure there must be some agency that can help you.

[beatlebette]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Beatle, I dont sleep in her bed, because she refuses to bathe. Plus, she then would insist on sleeping in there if I were in there. She was going to report me to Management here LOL She thinks this is her place and that we are intruding on "her" space. She has Dementia

So sorry! I wouldn't sleep in the bed either in that case. It's very sad when people lose themselves.

[Needers]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Angi, I called some place that gives advice. They were very helpful, but then again, there was nothing for me. Having someone come here wont help. Id just have another person under foot. She wont go anywhere, even to Church. She used to go almost every day. Having someone come here anyways, from what the Conservator Handbooks states, Id have to pay them, like I was their Employer, and have to do the tax thing at the end of the year. I had to get an Attorney (Handbook recommends) and I havent heard back from him, concerning what I can and cant spend of her money

[Cindy]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

needers, maybe someone could just come there for you to have a few hours out by yourself. That way they would not be underfoot. You would be getting some relief??? I feel for you *hugs*

[wishingstar]

Re: I dont know if I should laugh or cry

Maybe you can locate a CNA or HHA to come in also social security or medicaid well the local social services office should have help for your mother ...I remember my sister being paid to live with my grandma at one time, check around I know easier said then done but there are resources someplace for people in your mom's shoes, bless you for doing the rite thing and shame on your brothers for not being part of helping and caring for their elderly mother ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))