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  • Funnies

    UNANSWERED PRAYER

    The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.. One day, she asked him why.

    'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'

    'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.

    BEING THANKFUL

    A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'

    The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'

    UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

    During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

    Tommy answered, soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'


    TIME TO PRAY

    A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

    'Yes, sir,' the boy replied.

    'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.

    'No sir,' the boy replied 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'

    ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

    When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

    For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.'

    This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?'

    Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!'

    SAY A PRAYER

    Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

    'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.

    'I don't need to,' the boy replied.

    'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'

    'That's at our house,' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!'

    A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrusl cycle.

    For example, when a woman is ovulating, she will prefer a man with rugged, masculline features.

    However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyes and a cricket stump shoved up his ass.

    THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

    A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

    On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'

    MOSES AND THE RED SEA

    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

    'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

    'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his mother asked.

    'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'

  • #2
    Re: Funnies

    ROFLMAO Roxy too good! Thanks!
    Nommie

    Thought for the day: Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away!

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Funnies

      Thank you for the smile! It is only 9:30 and already I am having a rough day! i appreciate a little humor this morning!

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