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Monday Adult Jokes
DON'T LOOK IF YOUR EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE.
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.
The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and
women lay better.
The Vatican has decided that it is not a sin
to kiss a nun, just don't get into the habit.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
It kept falling out!
Our forefathers guaranteed us the right to the pursuit of happiness.
They should have given us a few clues as to where to look.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft ... Today, it's called golf.
Q: What do you call the space between the vagina and the asshole?
A: A Chin Rest!
Q. What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie?
A. A dog that chews your leg off, then fetches the doctor.
My wife and I divorced over religious differences - She thought she
was
God and I didnt.
Two ancient occupants of a geriatric nursing home were discussing the
merits of this "newfangled" support pantyhose."Well, I don't like
them,"
said the first old dear, "because every time I fart, I blow my
slippers
off ... !"
"Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember
that the mighty oak was once a nut like you!"
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
Bumper sticker seen on the back of a car......
"I wish my wife was this dirty!"
Smoking a cigarette shortens your life by 14 minutes..... . However,
having sex lengthens it by 12 minutes ...... So smokers ... Screw for
your lives!
Q. How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
A. Stick two fingers in his honey.
A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV. The husband sighs and
says, "I'm disappointed! It was all over in four minutes." The wife
replies, "Good! now you know how I feel."
Q:What's the best way to catch Dolly Parton in the woods?
A: Use a booby trap!
What's the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q?
They're both big fat zeroes with little dicks hanging off them.
One question to ask please. . .
If Russia was to attack Turkey from the rear- would Greece help?
Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man
eventually began walking upright. to free up their hands for
masturbation.
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common
They both get loaded from the rear and go Woo-Whoo!
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.
The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and
women lay better.
The Vatican has decided that it is not a sin
to kiss a nun, just don't get into the habit.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
It kept falling out!
Our forefathers guaranteed us the right to the pursuit of happiness.
They should have given us a few clues as to where to look.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft ... Today, it's called golf.
Q: What do you call the space between the vagina and the asshole?
A: A Chin Rest!
Q. What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie?
A. A dog that chews your leg off, then fetches the doctor.
My wife and I divorced over religious differences - She thought she
was
God and I didnt.
Two ancient occupants of a geriatric nursing home were discussing the
merits of this "newfangled" support pantyhose."Well, I don't like
them,"
said the first old dear, "because every time I fart, I blow my
slippers
off ... !"
"Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember
that the mighty oak was once a nut like you!"
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
Bumper sticker seen on the back of a car......
"I wish my wife was this dirty!"
Smoking a cigarette shortens your life by 14 minutes..... . However,
having sex lengthens it by 12 minutes ...... So smokers ... Screw for
your lives!
Q. How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
A. Stick two fingers in his honey.
A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV. The husband sighs and
says, "I'm disappointed! It was all over in four minutes." The wife
replies, "Good! now you know how I feel."
Q:What's the best way to catch Dolly Parton in the woods?
A: Use a booby trap!
What's the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q?
They're both big fat zeroes with little dicks hanging off them.
One question to ask please. . .
If Russia was to attack Turkey from the rear- would Greece help?
Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man
eventually began walking upright. to free up their hands for
masturbation.
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common
They both get loaded from the rear and go Woo-Whoo!
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