Update on parent's problem

[dragun6]

Ok, so I read everyone's advice and I really thought hard about what you all said. Definitely, couldn't put what I had to say in writing, because yes, my family would use it against me in the future.

So, I went to see them this morning for about thirty minutes and that was all that I could take and I have had a raging headache since. I told them why I had been avoiding them, that for myself I had to take 2 giant steps backwards. I told them that I couldn't let them keep hurting my feelings anymore. Plus, I told them I was tired of only hearing the cory and courtney show when I do come to their house. I explained that my sister tells me all about her kids when I talk to her and I don't need a repeat. I also explained that I was not holding my kids back from seeing them if the kids wanted to. Plus, if they want to call they can.

But on my end, I know I will not be inviting them to any of my kids activities, because I just don't need the hurt feelings or need to listen to their lame excuses why they can't come. I won't be inviting them to my home anymore, cause dang it! it is my sanctuary and my place of happiness. I don't want or need their crap mucking up my peace of mind.

So, I guess basically, I will be polite, but will only keep it superficial with them. They aren't interested in my life and so I don't need to share it with them.

So, dear friends, thank you for all the advice. I feel good about how I handled this.

Wendy/dragun

[Stella]

Re: Update on parent's problem

i am proud of you (((wendy))))

first few weeks will be difficult, those first few events that they are not at.

i pm'ed you my info. i was serious when i said calor text or email anytime.

it'll be ok. you did good.

from here they will either keep it the way it is, or they will come around and that may take time. one step at a time, it'll be ok.

luv ya, oodles of hugs.

[Sweet Pea]

Re: Update on parent's problem

Here's a huge ((((((((hug)))))))) from someone who has also lived with feeling "less than" in the family tree.

[janabanana]

Re: Update on parent's problem

You don't need toxic people in your life....

[roset]

Re: Update on parent's problem

I know this is a very hard step to take, you explained it to them so now the ball is in their court. It is up to them to figure it out now, maybe they will see everything was the sister. I hope they understand and change but change does take time. You go forward with your life and see if they reach out. I wish you the best, it hurts. You did everything right, it's all up to them now.

[krubinic]

Re: Update on parent's problem

Kudos to you Dragun!!!! Sounds to me like you were able to say enough in person and get to your major points to still come away holding your head high.......good for you!!! I'm never that brave with family memebers, I get too emotional on the spot, and can never get out what I REALLY want to say to them in confrontations (hence, that's why I write letters!!!! LOL). It's easier with non-family members for some reason.

Hopefully, this chosen path will take you down the road to personal freedom from further frustrations and heartache. Much happiness and continued strength in this rough patch of your life.

All the best, Kathy

[luvs2eat]

Re: Update on parent's problem

I know how hard it is for you. Now, enjoy yourself and begin to surround yourself w/ friends you love and who love you. My "friend" fam is big and happy and I very simply wouldn't BE here if not for their love and support!

(((hugs)))

[dottalk]

Re: Update on parent's problem

I hope you are able to stay on this track, the one you chose. Really, in the big picture, you want people in your life that want to be in your life; forcing or trying to force that, relative or not, is not going to work,, and only leave you with hurt feelings, heartache and disappointment. when they initiate the contact, then maybe things will get better. hang in there.

[TexAnn]

Re: Update on parent's problem

Now you can take a deep breath and move on...You have done everything you could...Bless your Heart, & I am very proud of you too. We are all here for you. God will give you what you need, if you let him...(((((Big Hugs)))))

[Huffle]

Re: Update on parent's problem

Sounds like you as my niece would say "Grew a big Pair" and told them what had to be said. Good for you. So proud of you for that.

Huffle

[Sewcute]

Re: Update on parent's problem

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
You did good! As long as YOU feel good about it, screw everyone else! You really DONT need toxic peeps in your life...


BTW: How did they take it? Did they act shocked?

[smokey]

Re: Update on parent's problem

Good for you. I know it wasn't easy, but I think there are times we have to accept there are some things (or people) we cannot change. They need to do that on their own. Hang in there.

[Manzanita]

Re: Update on parent's problem

I haven't read all the posts on this thread, but "family dysfunction" is a big issue with me these days. I LOVE my "firstborn DD" but our recent (April 2008) mother/daughter outburst was traumatic on my part.

She "cycles" about every 2 years & has really "angry outbursts directed at me, her mother...usually when there are other family members present!" She's my first-born, & I cherish her immensely, but she claims I "abused" her, she 'doesn't trust me," & ALL her problems in life are due to my "physical, emotional & abusive" treatment of her during her childhood & adult years.

We're obviously estranged at this point & it seems to be difficult to reconcile now. I tried to "recruit" my husband & youngest daughter into patching things up, but my oldest DD isn't going for it. Previously, "oldest DD" seemed to reconcile when she needed something, but since her family is pretty well established financially she's laying all the "blame" on these recent enraged outbursts on me.

It's a dilemma & hardship on me because she is my first-born & beloverd child, but she feels so justified in treating me so disrespectfully & hateful...I don't believe she knows how wrong this behavior is.

[shumway]

Re: Update on parent's problem

((((HUgs)))) You are doing fine. Go hug one of your kids and kiss your DH. They are the lucky ones! They have YOU!

[dragun6]

Re: Update on parent's problem

thanks for all the support guys.

Oh, and parents listened, no yelling or arguing, but I really don't think they truly heard me. But I still feel good about standing my ground and saying what my heart was feeling. So, hubby and I and the kids are just going forward with our own happiness.


dragun