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  • Family members cart before the horse??

    I have several family members putting the cart before the horse, which I mean getting pregnant before marriage. I admit in my family & DH family too. I think most families have this, unless I am the only one. Letterman was talking to Dr. Phil even Dr. Phil said no matter how much of a talk you have, get a teen in the backseat of a car and they forget. Whoopie on the view had the same thing with her DD at 16yrs. She talked about this, had the big talk over & over but things happen. I got almost a 20yr old and I made sure we talked & got to the gyno. I still get scared. DD's 2 girlfriends are 19 & pregnant and excited. DD said Mom they are so happy, I can't understand. I said just sit back when the baby is born and she how much time & expensive babies are. I could be wrong. I know one b/f doesn't seem to share the joy. He is scared to death. DD wanted to take her g/f to family planning she looked up the closest one & even said I will go with you, finally the girl got birth control took 2 pills & thought she was safe, not. Who are we to cast the 1st stone when it happens with our family & friends? It's been going on for generations too.

  • #2
    Re: Family members cart before the horse??

    Well, it sure did happen to me and has happened in my family. I was a senior in high school. I had dated my bf (now husband) for two years. In February of my senior year, we began planning for our wedding which was going to be after I graduated in May. We were excited. We knew we wanted to spend our lives together. In April, I got pregnant. My parents and grandmothers had talked to me about premarital sex and having babies. I didn't plan to get pregnant but at the same time, I didn't take precautions to keep it from happening. I knew it would be hard. I had a little brother come along when I was 12. I knew about late night feedings and diapers and all the work. I was the first person that he called Mama. I had a childhood that made me more mature than I should have been. Many people still think that the only reason that DH and I got married was because I was pregnant. That is so far from the truth. We were getting married either way. I have heard that Bristol and her bf were also wanting to get married on down the line and then she got pregnant. I hope that it lasts. I will celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary next month. The wedding was no mistake and neither was my choice to have my child.

    Why should we look down our nose at this woman because of her parenting when a 17 year old knows darn good and well what having unprotected sex will get you?
    Spicy food speeds up your metabolism. Put salsa on your cupcakes.

    http://find-teresa-butler.tripod.com

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    • #3
      Re: Family members cart before the horse??

      I know in my family members, the buzz was going around & around. I was so happy it wasn't me, but after the baby being born & things calmed down, the family was so happy. Sometimes it takes time to heal. After awhile no one cared & gossip in the family stopped until the next one. LOL Same thing with friends too. Everyone is in an uproar but things do calm down.

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      • #4
        Re: Family members cart before the horse??

        I don't have any of this in my family. None. We must do something right, not sure what it was. My Mom offered that I could have BC whenever I needed at 16 but I did not need it until much later...Was taught to be a good Jewish girl. That part of it took.

        I think it's that we take the responsibility as a huge undertaking that you have to prepare for. And if you have kids they come first.
        www.southernjewishprincess.com

        www.funnynotslutty.com

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        • #5
          Re: Family members cart before the horse??

          It happened to my brother & my Mom was up my butt about it. I didn't do anything. I dated DH for 4 yrs no sex. I know, well I never had a normal period so didn't chance it, but my Mom kept yelling at me. I took so much stress from his action. Then cousins too, my Mom seemed to focus on me. Then Granddaughter was born & you would have thought it was my Mom's idea. Go figure. My parents took their stress on me thinking I would get pregnant too. I was so stressed out with them because of my brother. I don't think it was fair that I had to go threw that.

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          • #6
            Re: Family members cart before the horse??

            I agree with you Roset. I was the youngest of 4 and my first cousin started her family before marriage. I always wondered if my Mom thought I had loose morals or was too easily influenced or was just plain dumb because she gave me the same 'speech' every time I went out. But then my older sister said she didn't know if kissing could make you pregnant when she started going out. Guess my Mom thought better late than never with me, even tho she never did come out and say 'how' babies were made.
            Communicate. It can't make things any worse!

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            • #7
              Re: Family members cart before the horse??

              I'm sure some here looked down on me when I announced that our DD is going to have a baby and she is not married....oh well...too bad for those who look at that in a bad way....WE ARE CELEBRATING FUTURE NEW LIFE! As my DH said, she is 18 and has the right to make her own decisions.
              "Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle"

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              • #8
                Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                We have had it happen on both sides of our family, and who knows how many were protected with birth control or ______ before marriage. I don't think you can completely blame the family in this day and age, the kids see it on tv with singers, actors having kids without having a marriage beforehand.

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                • #9
                  Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                  There is nothing new about being pregnant before marriage. Happens a lot and in the best of families. It's just that these days people talk about it , it's out in the open. Years ago it wasn't talked about, women just had the baby " early" lot of 7 month term babies.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                    It's happened several times to my neices and nephews, luckily not to my kids, but.....I would not have looked down on them for it, I would have been dissapointed, accidents happen, I had a birthcontrol baby. When DH and I were dating, I was too afraid dad would kill me if I got pregnant, but that didn't stop us from having sex!

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                    • #11
                      Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                      It happens and everything has a way of working itself out. We are only human for heaven sakes.
                      We can plan and prepare all we want, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.
                      They say there is a reason for everything...we may not get it at the time, but later on down the line it becomes perfectly clear.
                      God loves us UNCONDITIONALLY! I am so glad too..
                      Have you made time to listen to the birds today........

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                      • #12
                        Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                        I so agree with you TexAnn, God does not give us more than we can handle and he has a reason for what he gives us

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                        • #13
                          Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                          Originally posted by wellsms View Post
                          God does not give us more than we can handle

                          God does not give us more than we can handle THROUGH HIM.

                          no one in my family has the cart before the horse. guess it is the catholic up bringing.
                          not that my family didn't have sex before marriage, but we were raised that if that is what you chose to do, against the parents wishes, then you take the necessary precautions, because it isn't fair to the baby, the baby deserves a decent up bringing, and you will not pop out a kid and have the state raise it. (welfare, food stamps etc)
                          we were clear, that raising kids is not cheap, and having kids is a huge responsibility. and even worse at a young age.
                          I just hold on tighter, to a hand that's stronger...he knows my every thought, he clears my weary heart, and hold's on tighter...

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                          • #14
                            Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                            You & Jewish Princess were very fortunate.
                            We must have had a bunch of hard-headed peoples in our brood. Without a doubt! LOL!!! There wasn't a lot of them that did this but a few.
                            Have you made time to listen to the birds today........

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                            • #15
                              Re: Family members cart before the horse??

                              well how far is the family?

                              not my mom and dad, not me or my brother, not my moms' sisters, or their kids, our first cousins....

                              not my dad's sister, or her kids, there are 7 of them... i don't know their kids,

                              perhaps my distant cousins, or my grandmother's sisters great grand kids, but i don't know them....
                              I just hold on tighter, to a hand that's stronger...he knows my every thought, he clears my weary heart, and hold's on tighter...

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