HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

[smokey]

Horrid BF broke up with her last week because he changed his mind about moving with her to the West coast. Now, he is sorry. She moved thinking he was going to come in a few weeks with most of her stuff, including her dog. She moves and he says, "Have a nice life!" Now, he wants her back. He is a control freak. They are 30. What would you do?

[luvkidrock]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

I try to stay out of it when my son is going through things like that, but it is hard. I usually just get him by himself and give him my opinion in the nicest way I can and give him the cons involved in the situation. Then I let him make his decision. Being a parent doesn't get any easier when they get older does it?

[Stella]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

break ups are tough.

her low self esteem is part of it. she'll go through phases of being hurt, then mad, she'll want revenge soon as well. then the jerk will crawl back and you'll get mad.

i guess all you can do is plan on some mom and daughter lunches and be there for her. let her talk. don't force anything out of her.

good luck, there's a better guy out there for her, although she doesn't know that right now.

[smokey]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

Thanks. I really feel ill. I was hoping it was over.

[WREBAC]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

Break ups are very tough. The best thing to do is be an understanding mother. Be there for the good and the bad. The worsst thing to ever do is to tell her to stay away from him...that will draw her right back in his arms. I speak from experience with three daughters

[Sabine]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

In my opinion there is nothing that you can say or do. Just tell her that you love her and support her. She is 30 years old, she is an adult, she is on her own.

[roset]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

Wow!! Good question. I got the feeling with my DD (almost 20) something in the next 6 months may happen. B/f & her are at 2 different schools and so far everything is fine, only 20 min away but he lives at home & she is away so maturity level is so different. I'm just waiting, I do like the b/f. I really understand the controlling factor, I see it too. DD seems to get fed up too, I can do nothing, if you say anything then you are wrong, so you got to just listen & let them figure it out. She called me & he called her 10 times within 20 min. she said she had to go, we were talking about classes, I said NO!!! tell him you are talking to your parents about next semester and we need to get this done. He did understand. These cell phones & b/f's or g/f's are a big pain.

[SHEL]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

not much you can say. maybe encourage her to make new friends in the new place she lives. there are many ways to get involved. after my divorce i found a gym that had open vball one night a week. i was a little nervouse the first night but i went. i have made some good friends from open vball, and now i am playing on three differnt vball teams.

[wellsms]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

My mom told me once during a breakup, that there was more than 1 fish in the sea. So true, encourage your DD to go to church to look for new friends. Maybe some kind of club, does she have a dog, go to the dog park and I bet someone would strike up a conversation. Dog obedience lessons. Take scuba or swim lessons at the Y. My youngest brother was close to 30 and looking for MS Right and went to a dance club, people were there from 18-80, he danced with some older women too, they had daughters or granddaughter, that is where he found his wife of 10 years. I would not recommend going to bars though, lets face it, do you want a DH who frequents bars, he would probably want to do that after you are married too.

[smokey]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

Thanks for all of the wonderful ideas. She is just in a rut and believes there will be nobody else - hardly a reason to stay with this guy. I have suggested joining clubs or sports activities where she feels confident. She is in the depression stage of wanting to sleep all of the time. She has a great dog who attracts a lot of attention when they go out and he makes her get out of bed to take him for a walk. She then goes back to bed.

She is signed up for a masters' program which starts in a few days. I told her she needs a routine - even if it is a self-imposed one. This guy knows how to play her. He is an alcoholic and just can't keep a job. She supported him by staying in a job she hated. He went back to the state he was from and when he leaves a job, he can just stay at mom's. Mom loves having him at home as her second husband doesn't treat her well. His one brother will be getting out of jail soon. DD talked to him on the phone almost every single day. Then, when BF didn't want to share some money the brother threatened to kill BFand DD. He and his family have a history of drug abuse. Sooo, it isn't that I don't like his hair or his clothes. He makes my skin crawl.

Unfortunately, she lives in another state. We visited her and she seemed to be doing OK after he called and said it was over. After we left he called to say he wanted her back and how sorry he was. To me, trust is everything. Trust that the other person will put you first and not hurt you. Well, even though they had planned on moving, where he would follow later, he said he really didn't think she would go. He was hurt and lashed out at her. Because she had supported him for two years, he was to send her money every month toward her rent. Two days after she signs a lease, he makes his "Have a nice life" call.

Sorry to ramble. Have just been sick over this. Thanks for listening.

[anglebutterfly]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

my dd is a freshman in college and she met this guy..who's interested in her..but he's controlling..constantly telling her she needs to change her ways..become more out-going..my dd is shy..my dd has a nervous habit..when she's having a conversation with someone..she's always fiddling with something..like her car keys..or the ring on her finger..he tells her to stop fiddling..so this boy is making her nervous..and she's tired of it..i told her to never go out with this person..she wants to politely tell this person to back off..

[smokey]

Re: HELP! How do I convince DD she is beautiful and smart?

Angle, there is always the,"This isn't working for me" line.