Will try to explain.........
Made-up names.
Here's the situation.
My son "JAKE" has a friend JOEY. JOEY has a sister SUSIE.
JAKE likes JOEY to come visit, spend the night, go places with our family. We enjoy this also. Like a big family and he's just part of it.
JOEY's MOM invites SUSIE to tag along to events that we've invited JOEY to. She does this quite often and puts me on the spot. Or has SUSIE call and ask me if she can also go with us. We had not planned on things that way - so this bothers the heck out of me. Actually - that is quite rude! We didn't invite her. We invited JOEY. SUSIE goes & goes with her own friends, and I don't know if she invites JOEY to go along with them but I doubt it.
Anyway - a few months back this happened, and when I explained we really didn't have room because of the cars and who all that was going (several more members of our family) she then was going to withhold JOEY getting to go, unless we also let SUSIE go. Ticked me off, felt like I was being blackmailed, but for my son's sake who so looked forward to fun with JOEY at this event - I gave in and let her go along. Well, little Miss SUSIE caused some trouble and really upset a few members of my family, so being upset - I called the Mom and told her about SUSIE's behavior. She didn't get mad, just apologized for SUSIE's behavior, said she'd also been having trouble out of her and that she won't let her to that to us again, she just won't let her go with us so that SUSIE can't do that sort of thing again.
This was a relief to me.
Then, as several months have passed, Mom is again inviting SUSIE to come along with us.
Now we plan things specifically for the boys, and we always pay for JOEY and never have said he needs any money when he comes along.
Another problem - the Mom expects us to also pay for SUSIE too. And we do.
We don't know what to do.
This happened again today. So I finally spoke up about it and explained that we had the event planned specifically for the boys and weren't planning on anyone else coming, AND that my son doesn't always expect when he invites his friend (JOEY) to do something - that JOEY's sister, SUSIE will come along too.
Well, she is ticked off at me now.
And said she wasn't inviting SUSIE - she was merely saying she AND SUSIE might join us.
That is clearly NOT what she said when she had said she would "drop SUSIE off to meet us" - no indication whatsoever that she meant the other.
Now, I'd like to smooth things over, I like her as a person, and I actually like SUSIE too, but I just don't like being put in that awkward position. She is quick to tell me when she thinks someone else is rude - yet she can't see that she is being rude by constantly pawning off SUSIE on me.
BTW - according to JOEY and SUSIE - they don't go anywhere and do anything, except for Yard Sales, Flea Markets, things the Mom likes. And I know this to be true. She has NEVER taken them to the Fair, or to a Movie or to an amusement park. The Dad works out of town and only is there every other weekend, so he's almost never in the picture.
But she doesn't do things with her kids. She is amazed by the fact that we have such fun with our children and invite more over and just have a blast with them. WITH them. Key word.
So - what do I do now? I would like her to allow JOEY to come over, but I couldn't take anymore of that pawning off of SUSIE.
Don't want things to be awkward, don't want her mad at me and don't want her to not allow JOEY to come over. My son would be broken hearted. Maybe I should've just kept on being taken advantage of and left it alone. But it's awkward with the 5th wheel syndrome going on.
Any suggestions??????????????
Made-up names.
Here's the situation.
My son "JAKE" has a friend JOEY. JOEY has a sister SUSIE.
JAKE likes JOEY to come visit, spend the night, go places with our family. We enjoy this also. Like a big family and he's just part of it.
JOEY's MOM invites SUSIE to tag along to events that we've invited JOEY to. She does this quite often and puts me on the spot. Or has SUSIE call and ask me if she can also go with us. We had not planned on things that way - so this bothers the heck out of me. Actually - that is quite rude! We didn't invite her. We invited JOEY. SUSIE goes & goes with her own friends, and I don't know if she invites JOEY to go along with them but I doubt it.
Anyway - a few months back this happened, and when I explained we really didn't have room because of the cars and who all that was going (several more members of our family) she then was going to withhold JOEY getting to go, unless we also let SUSIE go. Ticked me off, felt like I was being blackmailed, but for my son's sake who so looked forward to fun with JOEY at this event - I gave in and let her go along. Well, little Miss SUSIE caused some trouble and really upset a few members of my family, so being upset - I called the Mom and told her about SUSIE's behavior. She didn't get mad, just apologized for SUSIE's behavior, said she'd also been having trouble out of her and that she won't let her to that to us again, she just won't let her go with us so that SUSIE can't do that sort of thing again.
This was a relief to me.
Then, as several months have passed, Mom is again inviting SUSIE to come along with us.
Now we plan things specifically for the boys, and we always pay for JOEY and never have said he needs any money when he comes along.
Another problem - the Mom expects us to also pay for SUSIE too. And we do.
We don't know what to do.
This happened again today. So I finally spoke up about it and explained that we had the event planned specifically for the boys and weren't planning on anyone else coming, AND that my son doesn't always expect when he invites his friend (JOEY) to do something - that JOEY's sister, SUSIE will come along too.
Well, she is ticked off at me now.
And said she wasn't inviting SUSIE - she was merely saying she AND SUSIE might join us.
That is clearly NOT what she said when she had said she would "drop SUSIE off to meet us" - no indication whatsoever that she meant the other.
Now, I'd like to smooth things over, I like her as a person, and I actually like SUSIE too, but I just don't like being put in that awkward position. She is quick to tell me when she thinks someone else is rude - yet she can't see that she is being rude by constantly pawning off SUSIE on me.
BTW - according to JOEY and SUSIE - they don't go anywhere and do anything, except for Yard Sales, Flea Markets, things the Mom likes. And I know this to be true. She has NEVER taken them to the Fair, or to a Movie or to an amusement park. The Dad works out of town and only is there every other weekend, so he's almost never in the picture.
But she doesn't do things with her kids. She is amazed by the fact that we have such fun with our children and invite more over and just have a blast with them. WITH them. Key word.
So - what do I do now? I would like her to allow JOEY to come over, but I couldn't take anymore of that pawning off of SUSIE.
Don't want things to be awkward, don't want her mad at me and don't want her to not allow JOEY to come over. My son would be broken hearted. Maybe I should've just kept on being taken advantage of and left it alone. But it's awkward with the 5th wheel syndrome going on.
Any suggestions??????????????
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