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  • Assisted Living

    I just put down a deposit at an assisted living for my mom. It's just getting to hard for me to handle alone, and I worry about her safety while I'm at work. She's lived with me since 1983. She was always so independent..going on trips, visiting my aunt during the winter months etc..so this is hard for her I know. I feel like a burden has been lifted but I also feel guilty. I'm sure though after after a week or so there, she'll be happier about it. Anybody have any experience with this and maybe have a few words for me to say to her to make the transition easier??? Today she said..I know you want me to go to this place so you can sell the house, and I'm in the way ::sigh::

    A day without laughter is a day wasted...Charlie Chaplin

  • #2
    Re: Assisted Living

    I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
    Have you made time to listen to the birds today........

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Assisted Living

      I know how had that type of a decision is. But you are doing what is best. I had to put my Dad in a nursing home. But we still included him in everything and we were able to convince him to get involved in activities there. It is amazing how some of the facilities will work with you to make living their a pleasant experience for them.

      Good luck with it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Assisted Living

        My Dad was in assisted living for 7 years. He was in his seventies, and had a car accident that left him barely able to walk and his thinking slow. He need quite a bit of help. After a couple of months in a nursing home he came home to live w/us. He had previously lived in an apartment down the road fr/us. I hired an aide to stay w/him while I worked because he tended to fall a lot, and need help w/meals and medications. He soon grew weary of her watching his every move, but I knew he couldn't stay alone. We began to look at assisted living facilities and he thought he would have more independence in something like that. It was also very hard on me because someone had to be at home at all times. It took him a very long time to adjust to it. The women there seemed to adjust more quickly than the men. The women made friends and participated in the social activities that the men didn't do. I tried to stop in and visit every day or two. He stayed there until he had a heart attack and needed more help and I transferred him to a nursing home where my cousin was head of nursing. She was so good about helping to watch over him for me. I still continued to visit every day or two. We lost him two and a half years ago. The assisted living was definitely the best option for all of us at the time, although I had a lot of guilt about it. It was not an option for me to quit work and stay w/him. (That is what he would have liked.) We had just started a new business, and I really needed to be there. Also, the people at the facility were much better trained to deal with him...I felt he was safer there. She will meet friends there, and if she enjoys card games, bingo, craft type things, there are a lot of things for them to do. They typically go on "field trips", sometimes weekly out to eat, etc. Give it some time. It will take some getting used to. I hope it works out for you.

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        • #5
          Re: Assisted Living

          This thread is of great interest to me too. I will probably have this decision to make in a few years (or sooner) too, unless my mom's Alzheimers advances sooner than we expect. I stay home but I feel like I cannot stimulate her enough and I cannot keep taking her places almost every day to keep her from getting bored (she has no hobbies). I'm tiring myself out.

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          • #6
            Re: Assisted Living

            AllieK does your area have senior centers that have day care for Alzheimer/dementia elders?
            That might be a good option for you to have some free time.

            My DH sister lives in an assisted living place in Tx. She always was a loner so I don't think she is even very social there. I know she complains about the food and from what they feed her (according to her) I probably would complain too. They seem to change cooks very very often. (according to her) We have been there a couple of times (2,000 miles away) and I think the facility is very nicely laid out. In her room she has her own furniture, tv, very small refrig, and small microwave oven. Her doctor was the one that said she could no longer live alone. From a hospital stay she went to an assisted living place about 200 miles from her home. She never returned home again and I think that must have very hard on her. It would have been me. She let her step granddaughter close the house up, have a garage sale and sell the house.

            Momto4, did you let your mother visit the assisted living facility and see the rooms and meet some of the people. Maybe you could arrange for her to visit a few afternoons to get acquainted.

            I know my 96 almost 97 year old mother would disown me if I had to put her in a nursing home. She still lives alone out in the country. I told her it wouldn't be me but it could be her doctor who insisted that she no longer lived alone. I doubt in her small town she could find someone that they got along together, to be a live in care taker.

            It is difficult.

            Ann

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            • #7
              Re: Assisted Living

              MY aunt lives in one.. she has a blast. There are always buses taking to casinos or shopping or other day trips. They have a great room for there for visiting. Huge laundry room.
              My Cuz told he sleeps better knowing his mom is in a safe enviroment.

              Let her be involved in chosing one. Talk to the residents living there. Check out the boards where trips & events are posted.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Assisted Living

                My Mom lived alone after my Dad passed away but while visiting us she had a slight stroke and could no longer take her meds as they were supposed to be taken so she moved from Waco down to Baytown. She moved into a very nice, classy assist. living. She lived there three years and made several good friend and one best friend. She came to our house dfor dinner alot and always for special occas. She passed away three years ago and I still have a hard time wanting to go see her or pick up the phone and call.She played bingo several times a week and they had their own beauty shop, etc. Good place and your Mom will enjoy being with people her own age.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Assisted Living

                  I have worked in nursing homes since 1986 & Assisted living situations since 2000! Assisted Living facilities are a Godsend for the majority of our parents & grandparents. Fortunately, I've been employed with an Assisted Living community for the last 2 years that is exactly what our seniors need.

                  Our residents are happy, loved & cared for by all the staff! The families that CHOOSE to be loving & involved with their loved ones are pleased with the care we provide. An assisted living campus is probably the ideal situation for our loved ones. Unfortunately, most assisted living communities accept only private pay (no Medicare) for services. Our facility has recently accepted Medicare payment AFTER "private pay" has run out....NOT MANY DO. This is something to investigate when researching Assisted Living Communities for your families.

                  When done right, assisted living provides care that both residents & families are pleased with!
                  "WHEN FASCISM COMES TO AMERICA IT WILL BE WRAPPED IN THE FLAG AND CARRYING A CROSS." -SINCLAIR LEWIS

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Assisted Living

                    Originally posted by anninsd View Post
                    AllieK does your area have senior centers that have day care for Alzheimer/dementia elders?
                    That might be a good option for you to have some free time.

                    My DH sister lives in an assisted living place in Tx. She always was a loner so I don't think she is even very social there. I know she complains about the food and from what they feed her (according to her) I probably would complain too. They seem to change cooks very very often. (according to her) We have been there a couple of times (2,000 miles away) and I think the facility is very nicely laid out. In her room she has her own furniture, tv, very small refrig, and small microwave oven. Her doctor was the one that said she could no longer live alone. From a hospital stay she went to an assisted living place about 200 miles from her home. She never returned home again and I think that must have very hard on her. It would have been me. She let her step granddaughter close the house up, have a garage sale and sell the house.

                    Momto4, did you let your mother visit the assisted living facility and see the rooms and meet some of the people. Maybe you could arrange for her to visit a few afternoons to get acquainted.

                    I know my 96 almost 97 year old mother would disown me if I had to put her in a nursing home. She still lives alone out in the country. I told her it wouldn't be me but it could be her doctor who insisted that she no longer lived alone. I doubt in her small town she could find someone that they got along together, to be a live in care taker.

                    It is difficult.

                    Ann
                    Mom has been home recouping from a broken fibula. I'm taking her back to the orthopedic on Thurs, and then on to the assisted living for the nurse there to assess her for level of care. I chose this one after touring a dozen others, so I think she will be ok once she gets used to it. Her room is very close to the dining room, rehab room, and the hair salon. She'll love that hopefully. It's also very close to my work so I can go have lunch or dinner with her anytime, so we'll see.

                    A day without laughter is a day wasted...Charlie Chaplin

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Assisted Living

                      I work in the senior housing industry and we develop continuing care retirement communities. I hope one day when I'm up in my years that I can afford to get into one of these, but if you are looking for something more than assisted living and can afford the fees, I say go with CCRCs (continuing care retirement communities).

                      Our facilities have Independent living, Skilled Nursing, Assisted Living, and Dementia in a state of the art complex.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Assisted Living

                        My grandmother is in an assistive living complex. She says she hates it. She chose the complex (upper end for this area). She chose it because it was the place to live, but she doesn't know anyone there, can't drive anymore, and refuses to be social. She chooses not to participate in all the actitivities that are offered.

                        She complains about how everyone has abandoned her, but everytime I stop in, someone is either there, just left or she is waiting for them. Often she foregets we were even there.

                        Basically, she had chosen to be alone there. We have met her neighbors who comment that she always says no to social invitations. She has a snotty antique tea set. I told her to invite people over for an afternoon tea! She won't.

                        I think they can be a great place with many people to keep busy with. However, I think residents need encouragement to be social!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Assisted Living

                          Originally posted by ryanmalone
                          Hi,

                          I transitioned my mom to assisted living after she had a stroke in 2005. At the time, I was 33 years old and found very few resources to help families understand the benefits of assisted living, evaluate communities and transition their loved one to them. So I decided to create them!
                          To help families with this issue, I created Inside Assisted Living – a blog focused on helping families evaluate and transition a loved one to assisted living. I was also curious about what other families were concerned with, so we decided to ask them. We surveyed 195 families about their concerns and preparedness and put them into a free report. Anybody can download it off the Inside Assisted Living blog. It was comforting to know that I wasn't the only person with those concerns.

                          I hope this helps your readers. We’re all kind of connected in this strange way, so we have to look out for each other!

                          All the best,

                          Ryan Malone
                          www.insideassistedliving.com
                          This is valuable information Ryan. Thanks so much for posting!

                          A day without laughter is a day wasted...Charlie Chaplin

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Assisted Living

                            Originally posted by Manzanita View Post
                            I have worked in nursing homes since 1986 & Assisted living situations since 2000! Assisted Living facilities are a Godsend for the majority of our parents & grandparents. Fortunately, I've been employed with an Assisted Living community for the last 2 years that is exactly what our seniors need.

                            Our residents are happy, loved & cared for by all the staff! The families that CHOOSE to be loving & involved with their loved ones are pleased with the care we provide. An assisted living campus is probably the ideal situation for our loved ones. Unfortunately, most assisted living communities accept only private pay (no Medicare) for services. Our facility has recently accepted Medicare payment AFTER "private pay" has run out....NOT MANY DO. This is something to investigate when researching Assisted Living Communities for your families.

                            When done right, assisted living provides care that both residents & families are pleased with!
                            That's why it is important for people to consider long term care insurance, so that the money is there to be taken care of in the best place available. SS & medicare won't do it.
                            Both SO and myself took out long term care about 10 years ago, and I am glad we did. Hopefully we will not need it, but it's there if we do.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Assisted Living

                              Thoughts and prayers with you!

                              We were able to keep my mom home after her stroke 12yrs ago, but it was NOT the best choice! She has no movement on the left side, and minimal on the right, but still thinks she can drive, cook, sew, WALK, etc... She got mad at us for cleaning out her closet of clothes she would never wear again. She thinks we sold off her furniture as part of a plot to make her crazy. The mini TIA's areto blame most times. It's part illness sometimes, and part manipualtion other times. We include her in every event, holiday (with 4-5 cousins carring her up and down the stairs in her wheelchair...again NOT the best choice).

                              Just know you need a break, and deserve to move forward. Include her as much as you can and she will get use to it. I only wish we had made that choice.

                              Comment

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