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And then the fight started

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  • And then the fight started

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
    She asked, 'What's on TV?'
    I said, 'Dust.'
    And then the fight started...
    ===========================================
    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
    I bought her a scale.
    And then the fight started...
    ============================================
    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
    so, I took her to a gas station...
    And then the fight started....
    ============================================
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
    And then the fight started...
    ============================================
    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
    So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
    And then the fight started....
    ============================================
    THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
    That's when the fight started..
    ============================================
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
    That's when the fight started...
    ============================================
    A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's perfect.
    And then the fight started.....
    ============================================
    I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my Mother-in-law up.
    As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?"
    I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".
    That's when the fight started....

  • #2
    Re: And then the fight started

    Lmao.............

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: And then the fight started

      Too Funny!!!!!....

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: And then the fight started

        Perfect timing Rube!!!
        Thanks for the laughs...hilarious!
        Have you made time to listen to the birds today........

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: And then the fight started

          Mom to Dad (with her wearing a new outfit that she made): Well, how do I look?
          Dad: You look great...I don't care what anyone says!
          And then the fight started!
          =========================================
          Actually, this WAS one of my Dad's lines and we knew it well. Mom. Sis and I didn't have a problem laughing at this! He and we knew well to count only that first part and always had a full understanding that he admired our talents and how we looked in our outfits.
          Mary Ann in Wisconsin
          "A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that is unlocked and opens inwards as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.

          Ludwig Wittgenstein

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          • #6
            Re: And then the fight started

            Those are great!!
            Lauren ~The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. ~
            Martin Luther King, Jr.

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            • #7
              Re: And then the fight started

              Oh too funny! Loved it so much I had to forward it to my closest buds online
              www.perfectlyposh/510sigpic

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              • #8
                Re: And then the fight started

                Anyone else have their own additions to "...And the the fight started!"? I'd love to hear them!
                Mary Ann in Wisconsin
                "A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that is unlocked and opens inwards as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.

                Ludwig Wittgenstein

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: And then the fight started

                  Ole and Lena were visiting friends. Lena mentioned that their handsome young reverend had paid her a compliment..."He said I looked like a breath of Spring." Ole snorted and said, "Lena, that's not exactly da vay he put it. Vhat he SAID vas...you looked like da end of a long, hard winter."

                  And that's how the fight started!

                  Mary Ann in Wisconsin
                  "A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that is unlocked and opens inwards as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.

                  Ludwig Wittgenstein

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: And then the fight started

                    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Lite for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better than the cold cream at night . . . . . . and that's how the fight started.
                    ------------
                    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first, 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
                    He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
                    'Nah, she can order for herself' . . . and that's how the fight started.
                    ------------
                    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
                    I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
                    I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
                    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
                    And that's when the fight started....
                    ------------
                    A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
                    Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
                    The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
                    So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
                    A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
                    screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
                    The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
                    And then the fight started.....

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