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Works for me! Merry Christmas, all!

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  • Works for me! Merry Christmas, all!

    > >
    > > Gotta love this!
    > >
    > > *Subject:* Rules for The Holidays
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > *1.** **Avoid carrot sticks.** **Anyone who
    > puts carrots
    > > on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
    > Christmas spirit. In
    > > fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next
    > door, where they're
    > > serving rum balls.**
    > >
    > > **2. Drink as much eggnog as you can.** **And
    > quickly. It's
    > > rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but
    > now. So drink up!
    > > Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?
    > It's not as if
    > > you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or
    > something. It's a
    > > treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's
    > later than you
    > > think. It's Christmas!**
    > >
    > > ** 3. if something comes with gravy, use it.**
    > **That's the whole point
    > > of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make
    > a volcano out of
    > > your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the
    > volcano. Repeat.
    > > **
    > > **4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if
    > they're made with skim milk
    > > or whole milk.** **If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
    > It's like buying a
    > > sports car with an automatic transmission.
    > > **
    > > **5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in
    > an effort to
    > > control your eating.** **The whole point of going to a
    > Christmas party
    > > is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of
    > it. Hello?
    > > **
    > > **6. Under no circumstances should you exercise
    > between now and New
    > > Year's.** **You can do that in January when you
    > have nothing else to
    > > do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll
    > need after
    > > circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound
    > plate of food and
    > > that vat of eggnog.
    > > **
    > > ** 7. If you come across something really good at a
    > buffet table, like
    > > frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of
    > Santa, position
    > > **yourself near them and don't budge. Have as
    > many as you
    > > can before becoming the center of attention.
    > They're like a beautiful
    > > pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're
    > never going to see them
    > > again.
    > > **
    > > **8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a
    > slice of
    > > each.** **Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two
    > apples and one
    > > pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to
    > have more than one
    > > dessert? Labor Day?
    > > **
    > > **9. Did someone mention fruitcake?** **Granted,
    > it's loaded with
    > > the mandatory celebratory** **calories, but** **AVOID
    > **it at all
    > > cost. I mean, have some standards.**
    > >
    > > ** 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible
    > when you leave the
    > > party or get up from the table, you haven't been
    > paying
    > > attention.** **Re-read tips; start over, but hurry,
    > January is just
    > > around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
    > > **
    > > **"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
    > with the intention of
    > > arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved
    > body,**
    > > **but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one
    > hand, body
    > > thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming *
    > >
    > > * "WOO HOO, what a ride!"**
    > >
    > > Merry Christmas!*
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > E-mail message checked by Spyware Doctor (6.0.0.386)
    > > Database version: 5.11331
    > > http://www.pctools.com/en/spyware-doctor-antivirus/





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  • #2
    Re: Works for me! Merry Christmas, all!

    Good one, works for me also.

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